The Word Masseur

Posts Tagged ‘Rick Perry’

Fire up the flux capacitor – Election Day 2012 can’t come fast enough.  This current pool of Republican nominees reminds me of the 1980 Oakland A’s.  Aside from Rickey Henderson, can you name anyone else on that team?  Me neither.  What’s there to like about the Republicans’ chances next year?  Mitt Romney’s head spins whichever way the wind blows.  Newt Gingrich spends money like a hedge fund manager.  Rick Perry is from Texas, which would be ok if George W. Bush wasn’t from Texas.  Ron Paul is intriguing in a “my ideas can either be viewed as progressive or panic-inducing”, but he’s too old.  Herman Cain reminds me of Tommy Gunn’s yappy promoter in Rocky IV.  I wish he’d jump back into the race though, if only to take air time away from Romney.  John Huntsman probably deserves more coverage, but he’s not holding down a platinum membership at Tiffany’s like Gingrich.

As a card-carrying member of the party of Common Sense, it doesn’t pain me to say that there isn’t one candidate in this not-very-roguish gallery who can oust Barack Obama.  Not one.  Likewise, I don’t get giddy when I say I’m 99.9% sure that Obama is a shoo-in for a second term.  I just want to get this over with so we can start talking about 2016, and what could be a presidential race for the ages.  Rahm Emmanuel.  Chris Christie.  Hilary Clinton.  I wish it was happening now.  I wish there was a steel cage involved.  I guess I’ll have to be patient.

IOH:
2012 race:  -234,401
2016 race:  +234,401 (The universe doth balance itself out)

Here’s a song with an interesting message:

Kudos to you, Texan Presidential hopeful Rick Perry.  Even though your Congressionally-commissioned B.S. Blaster ran out of bullets last night, I applaud you for not making matters worse by spinning some yarn about how you once shot trap with Pecos Bill, or how you own the only remaining pair of Frank Hamer’s underwear.  Nine out of ten politicians would have immediately switched to their hot air reserves and gone into a spiel about how Fannie Mae employees deserve two Christmas bonuses, but you stood there and admitted that you lost your train of thought – which happens to the best of us.  I, for one, am an appallingly bad public speaker, and I applaud anyone with the guts to get up in front of a jaded national audience and spend an hour chit-chatting with a group of individuals who would prefer to see you eaten alive by carnivorous jackalopes.

IOH: +37