The Word Masseur

Posts Tagged ‘Mitt Romney’

Mitt Romney is a successful businessman and a devoted family man.  He’s handsome, possesses a firm handshake, and smells like Corinthian leather.  He has the wink, the nod, the “point out the high school buddy in the crowd, shake your head and laugh” thing, the ability to end a sentence with a promise guaranteed to rile up his constituents, the blue jeans/flannel shirt/”hey, I’m a normal guy!” look , the phalanx of smiling kids behind him.  In biz-speak, he “ticks all the right boxes”.

In other words, he’s an android birthed from the womb of corporate America – and his death knell will be his complete and utter lack of real, believable charisma and pathos.  Sure, I’d follow Mitt Romney’s investment advice, and I know he could help me out if I ever became hopelessly flummoxed by the Cape Cod antiquing scene – but I wouldn’t follow the guy into a foxhole.  In fact, I wouldn’t follow him down the block, unless our destination was a bank or a seminar on M&A’s.  Unless he’s talking dollars and cents, Mitt Romney inspires me not the least.  I don’t believe he has the depth and complexity of character to make a difference as POTUS, and I don’t believe he has the stones to yank this country out of the morass of greed and indifference it’s currently wallowing in.  In short, it would be business – with an emphasis on business – as usual.

Given the choice between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, it’s no contest – Obama gets my vote hands-down, based purely on charisma, attitude and personality.  He has his faults, sure — but what President doesn’t?  The country’s current state has more to do with its size and a festering culture of irresponsibility  than its President.  Seriously, how much impact can one man have on a country of 350 million that is separated from him by distance and bureaucracy?  Anyways, Obama’s charismatic.  He’s personable.  He feels genuine – or as genuine as a politician can feel.  He seems to care, he can shoot the shit in a believable, “normal guy” way, he’s a fighter, and I don’t get the sense that there’s a secret tab behind his left ear that when pulled will allow you to remove his face, like I do with Romney.  If Romney buys the Republican nomination, Obama will crush him.  Yes crush, in italics.

Bear in mind that I’m analyzing this from a neutral position.  I’m not a Republican or a Democrat.  What am I?  I think federal government should operate at 20% of its current capacity and authority.  I put more emphasis on the individual than the collective.  If I were President, and you gave yourself second-degree burns because you wedged a cup of hot coffee between your legs, you would immediately be exiled to my brand-new, Moon-based Colony for Knuckleheads who Contribute Nothing to Society.  Your lawyer will be there – you guys can catch up!  I believe the trough should be drained and the Capitol fumigated, post-haste.  I believe that all politicians’ salaries should be capped at $50K, and that 75% of all post-office revenues accrued from lobbying, consulting and book tours should be donated to charity.

But since we’re still years away from any of this happening, I’ll have to occupy my time with the current situation.

IOH: N/A – Mitt Romney won’t be elected President.

Here’s a song about what could happen if we all finally got our shit together.

Fire up the flux capacitor – Election Day 2012 can’t come fast enough.  This current pool of Republican nominees reminds me of the 1980 Oakland A’s.  Aside from Rickey Henderson, can you name anyone else on that team?  Me neither.  What’s there to like about the Republicans’ chances next year?  Mitt Romney’s head spins whichever way the wind blows.  Newt Gingrich spends money like a hedge fund manager.  Rick Perry is from Texas, which would be ok if George W. Bush wasn’t from Texas.  Ron Paul is intriguing in a “my ideas can either be viewed as progressive or panic-inducing”, but he’s too old.  Herman Cain reminds me of Tommy Gunn’s yappy promoter in Rocky IV.  I wish he’d jump back into the race though, if only to take air time away from Romney.  John Huntsman probably deserves more coverage, but he’s not holding down a platinum membership at Tiffany’s like Gingrich.

As a card-carrying member of the party of Common Sense, it doesn’t pain me to say that there isn’t one candidate in this not-very-roguish gallery who can oust Barack Obama.  Not one.  Likewise, I don’t get giddy when I say I’m 99.9% sure that Obama is a shoo-in for a second term.  I just want to get this over with so we can start talking about 2016, and what could be a presidential race for the ages.  Rahm Emmanuel.  Chris Christie.  Hilary Clinton.  I wish it was happening now.  I wish there was a steel cage involved.  I guess I’ll have to be patient.

IOH:
2012 race:  -234,401
2016 race:  +234,401 (The universe doth balance itself out)

Here’s a song with an interesting message: